I saw him today, in crisp white long-sleeved shirt that was untucked and had all buttons opened -exposing white sando underneath - and black slacks that fit his thighs beautifully. He wore a black chained necklace with a crucifix. Midnight was off to work that day and i decided to have a nice cup of coffee at the nearest cafe that the owner called "Amoure". Then the air just seemed to change and i look up to see him-- Zephyrus. I couldn't help but think of how good-looking he was, how dominating, how gentle.
Then like a scene from a classic movie, this beautiful long-legged woman came up to him and hugged him from behind. I watched as he laughed and turned around to pinch her nose playfully. I noticed that she was really beautiful - with peaceful eyes and seemingly innocent lips. If anything, she looked like an angel. I felt a gripping feeling in my heart as she slowly raised her head to kiss him.
And it really hurts to admit that they looked so good in each other's arms, kissing like the whole world didn't matter.. like all she ever needed was him..
Now, sitting alone at the balcony, i suddenly felt so empty. Even with Midnight's picture waving at me from the living room's table which was visible from where i stand, it all suddenly seemed bland and gray.
And it showed.
..
"What's wrong?", Midnight asked over dinner. He was looking at me worriedly like i looked as though I'm dying or something.
"I'm just not feeling well.", i answered.
He nodded and inspected me once again, searching my face for anything. "What is it?", i asked blankly and swallowed a spoonful of pasta.
"It's just that i need to leave after our dinner and you don't seem alright, i'm worried." he replied. There was some sort of festivity in their hometown and his family --and i do mean family-- called to talk to me this afternoon asking me to come but i refused due to this big advertisement project given to me --which is the truth. Fortunately, they understood and even offered me help which i thank them for. And so, came tonight. Midnight's bound to travel there (which takes about 8 hours) tonight and stay there for 3 days. The weather was good and the road was clear so there are no necessary fears of accidents or whatever.
I smiled at him at caressed his face, "I'm just tired, don't worry about me. I'm a man remember?", then i laughed.
He sat there, quietly. Then smiled and held my hand. "I'll call you from time to time, take care alright?"
"I will. You too. Tell them i wish i could come, have fun!", i said cheerfully.
Half an hour later, he was off and i lay on my bed, thinking of the woman Zephyrus kissed and held in the cafe this morning.
"What a crazy day," i whispered to myself.
..
"There's a storm coming," Jenine said from her cubicle while she was busy fixing her hair, "a BIG one."
"The news?", i asked.
"Yep. Said it was gonna come tonight until tomorrow, good thing that's our day off.", then she laughed. "Aren't you scared of thunder and lightning?"
"Ha-ha", i laughed sarcastically, "like you're not huh?"
"Whatever." she said, rolling her eyes. I chuckled and then we both started working again.
A storm was coming. A big storm, but i bet it ain't as ferocious as the storm that Zephyrus brought to my life.
..
As expected, the weather began to rake through the city at around 11:00 pm. I sat before the fireplace and set the volume of the stereo at maximum to dissiminate the thunder that always managed to have me leap off and yell like a baby. I hate thunderstorms, i hate them.
I was buried below layers of blankets when i heard someone pound at the door. I felt my temper flare at the person, whoever he or she was, who callously banged at the door like he or she owned it. My anger sort of overrode my fear of the raging storm so i angrily opened the door, "What?!"
Normally, a normal person should've been more careful but i wasn't so normal these past few days. Fortunately, the man who stood outside my door was not a killer or a rapist or a freaking psycho,because there stood Zephyrus, soaking wet and breathing harshly, "I'm not alright.", he said and went straight to my bed without my invitation. I should've yelled at him but i didn't. I've grown too tired of pretending not too like him anyway. To hell with my head, I'm letting my heart take charge tonight. When i'm not so confused then perhaps i'll go and blame it on the storm or on the lightnig bolts and the thunder. But tonight, I'm letting my heart take charge.
"I saw you with a beautiful woman yesterday," I said as i handed him a coffee and sat on the bed with him. I was drying his head with the towel when i heard him reply, "You're jealous." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Then he held my arms and pinned me down, "It's about time you stop pretending that you don't need me, that you don't want to be with me as much as i do.Where's your boyfriend anyway?", he asked and glanced around.
"He's not here."
His eyes went back to me and i saw him grin, "I can make love to you then?"
"Yes", i said breathlessly. The thunder raged and i closed my eyes in fear. "Make that stop, it's killing me."
"Screw the storm, i won't let anything or anyone hurt you til i'm around.", then he kissed me passionately that sent tremors down my spine. I rolled over to lie on top of him, "Who's that woman?", i demanded and as i unbuttoned his damp shirt and grazed his chest with kisses, "No one.", he answered and held my face to kiss me on my lips.
I pulled back and took off my shirt. I leaned on to him and let my hair touch his face, "No one?", i asked again, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled and rolled me over that he was on top of me again, "No one. You're the only someone in my world right now."
"So how many no ones are there?", i asked like a jealous girlfriend and pushed him off me. I grabbed a jacket and sat on the foot of the bed. He was laughing his head off as he went behind me and held me tight, I can feel his breathing on my nape.
"I got rid of all of them before i went here.", he whispered coyly. "I missed you."
"I love you.", i whispered back. I felt the way he stiffened and heard the ragged beating of his heart, like all of a sudden, his world stopped. He angled my face that we were staring straight into each other's eyes, "I hate you for making me miss you. And for singing me that song that night. I hate you for making me fall in love with you, for dating that 'no one ' woman with long beautiful legs.", to my horror the tears began to fall. He wiped them all away and kissed me so tenderly like i might break if he wasn't so careful.
"Took you long enough stranger.", he said, smiling as he brought me to bed. We shed our clothes and i forgot the fears, even the lightning and the raging thunders seemed so beautiful to me.
'Marry love, marry rich my dear. But most of all, marry the angel who never fails to struck your fears and bring them to hell -- away from the paradise of the love he gave to you. It's not about how long he has been there, but how in spite of the truth that you have never seen his face before, you see your lifetime in his eyes. Never fear love my dear, never fear love.'
I can hear my granny's voice like she was urging me to go on. The angel who kisses like the devil is the man i am with right now in my bed. As complicated and unreasonable this may all seem when morning comes, at least i know now that this all began because i fell in love.
And if that's not enough,
I'll blame it on the thunder.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Zephyrus Speaks: "Ms. My Everything" [ePi 8th]
I told her i lived in both heaven and hell. I told her my heaven was her. Could it be that as beautiful, innocent and pure as she is, she can be cruel enough to be with the man she believes deserves to be with her forever instead of me? Is it loyalty that's holding her back?
As a man, aged in many ways i managed to keep unseen, a single touch tells a thousand million stories. We did more than just touching, and in the silence of her confused being, i understood that there is something strong underneath this whirlwind romance that began between us. Love? Passion?
Or something so much more?
I did tell her that the sight of her back makes me lose control. Every single thing about her stir me up like a witch's pot of magic, the spell her eyes casts sends shivers down my spine. The curse her kisses scorched into mine left a longing that seemed to make me wait for a painful eternity til i can tresspass her again.
If it was such a sin to wish she was mine, then i'd willingly tread the oceans of hell to bring forth the bliss my wish can carve into my seemingly direction-less life.
She is my singlemost purpose.. the absolute reason i survive..
My name is Zephyrus Gabriel y Antonette. A feminine heritage, my family name sounds like. The story behind my given name is a proof of how parents patronize their child the minute he or she is born. A god and an Archangel rolled into one. If there was anyone to blame for my humble arrogance, it'd be the females in my family -- my mother and 2 sisters who will always believe i am right. And my father? Luckily, he understands and would blabber about something regarding the "men in this family". He is, my mother always said, a handsome brute.
...
"What, did someone die?", it was the sarcasm of Adam that never failed to amaze me. A colleague and a dear cousin of mine who was born with fiery red hair and mocha eyes.
"You will if you mess me up," i backfired at his remark. He grimaced and sat beside me. "I was hoping to spend a meditative afternoon on the beach til you came along."
"Zephyr, dear old but young cousin of mine, don't you miss me?"
"Like hell i do," i said with a sinister smile.
"What did i do to you?!", Adam asked, laughing his freaking head off. "You've been like this since i sent you as a proxy in Jenine's party, did you happen to kill someone there or something?"
I sighed and drank from the bottle of beer i held in my hand. "Some goddess by the window drank champagne, hypnotized me to kissing her. I made love to her sweetly one beautiful night -- made love, not just the same old casual sex that always left me feeling guilty and discontented and shut your mouth, i'm not through yet.", i paused and tried to hold back laughter when i saw him shut his mouth in a 'i am only going to do this because you just outwitted me again' kind of way, and then i continued, "No, i didn't kill someone, more like someone -- someone beautiful, took my heart and made me live again. And God knows, if i lose her, I'm gonna die a thousand deaths and not even your useless banters can save me."
I drank the remaining beer in the can i held and looked at him, "What? You're not gonna say anything?"
"Wow.", he said in low voice. "That is some corny bullshit but i am actually jealous. You are finally in love..", then he fell back into his seat, his face serious. "What's her name?"
I glanced his way then looked out into the sea that sent its waves in rythmic ripples, the rays of the setting sun seemed to envelope the world with a warmth that reminded me of how it felt to be in that stranger's arms.
then i replied,
"Ms. My Everything."
As a man, aged in many ways i managed to keep unseen, a single touch tells a thousand million stories. We did more than just touching, and in the silence of her confused being, i understood that there is something strong underneath this whirlwind romance that began between us. Love? Passion?
Or something so much more?
I did tell her that the sight of her back makes me lose control. Every single thing about her stir me up like a witch's pot of magic, the spell her eyes casts sends shivers down my spine. The curse her kisses scorched into mine left a longing that seemed to make me wait for a painful eternity til i can tresspass her again.
If it was such a sin to wish she was mine, then i'd willingly tread the oceans of hell to bring forth the bliss my wish can carve into my seemingly direction-less life.
She is my singlemost purpose.. the absolute reason i survive..
My name is Zephyrus Gabriel y Antonette. A feminine heritage, my family name sounds like. The story behind my given name is a proof of how parents patronize their child the minute he or she is born. A god and an Archangel rolled into one. If there was anyone to blame for my humble arrogance, it'd be the females in my family -- my mother and 2 sisters who will always believe i am right. And my father? Luckily, he understands and would blabber about something regarding the "men in this family". He is, my mother always said, a handsome brute.
...
"What, did someone die?", it was the sarcasm of Adam that never failed to amaze me. A colleague and a dear cousin of mine who was born with fiery red hair and mocha eyes.
"You will if you mess me up," i backfired at his remark. He grimaced and sat beside me. "I was hoping to spend a meditative afternoon on the beach til you came along."
"Zephyr, dear old but young cousin of mine, don't you miss me?"
"Like hell i do," i said with a sinister smile.
"What did i do to you?!", Adam asked, laughing his freaking head off. "You've been like this since i sent you as a proxy in Jenine's party, did you happen to kill someone there or something?"
I sighed and drank from the bottle of beer i held in my hand. "Some goddess by the window drank champagne, hypnotized me to kissing her. I made love to her sweetly one beautiful night -- made love, not just the same old casual sex that always left me feeling guilty and discontented and shut your mouth, i'm not through yet.", i paused and tried to hold back laughter when i saw him shut his mouth in a 'i am only going to do this because you just outwitted me again' kind of way, and then i continued, "No, i didn't kill someone, more like someone -- someone beautiful, took my heart and made me live again. And God knows, if i lose her, I'm gonna die a thousand deaths and not even your useless banters can save me."
I drank the remaining beer in the can i held and looked at him, "What? You're not gonna say anything?"
"Wow.", he said in low voice. "That is some corny bullshit but i am actually jealous. You are finally in love..", then he fell back into his seat, his face serious. "What's her name?"
I glanced his way then looked out into the sea that sent its waves in rythmic ripples, the rays of the setting sun seemed to envelope the world with a warmth that reminded me of how it felt to be in that stranger's arms.
then i replied,
"Ms. My Everything."
Friday, November 21, 2008
7th: "Making Love out of Nothing at All"
A dinner for two by the beautiful baywalk that glowed with the stars and the moon. It was perfect, Midnight cheerfully drove me here and teased me a lot about those little mishaps i had during our early years together. It was, as i have said, perfect.
Days have passed and there was not a single sign of Zephyrus, no one knows if he is still alive. No, i am not being sarcastic nor am i complaining, i am actually relieved that he just vaporized into thin air -- well, sort of.
"That's cute," Midnight quipped from across the table. The restaurant was actually an open area, no walls, no doors, just seats and tables placed strategically to highlight a somewhat circular "dance floor" and a humble but dominant stage where a band played love songs one after the other. The lights glowed magically, even the bay seemed to be an endless artwork of romance. And what made it all better was the man that sat in front of me, his eyes glowing with the happiness i know he must always have.
"What is?", i asked and took a sip from my bottle of four seasons juice, i vowed to not take alcohol -- it's not safe.
"Your face just showed a hundred emotions all at the same time, your mind is travelling again my dear skeptic," he answered with a boyish smile.
I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I missed that smile."
He reached out and held both of my hands, "It'll never be gone as long as you're with me."
"Hmmmn." My face then lit up with a smile.
"Just hmmn?", he asked.
"Yes, just hmmn.."
Midnight chuckled and inspected the dance floor which was considerably filled with couples, teens and little kids who danced and laughed a lot with their parents. I saw this old couple who were dancing so sweetly by the corner and i remembered my dear granny and grandpa, i held back the tears that were threatening to fall. "Remembered granny?", it was Midnight. He stood before me and stared softly into my misty eyes.
"Uh-huh.", i said and waved my hand, "I'm fine."
I watched him as he drew his breath and blew the few strands of hair that obscurred his right eye, then he offered his hand in a gesture, "Will you dance with me?"
I laughed. He looked too cute standing there like a teenage boy. This man is an angel, i have always believed so. "With all my heart, yes."
...
Old songs never grow old because they have always been old. We danced along Air supply's 'Every Woman in the world'. I had my head against Midnight's, my chin seated on his shoulder, we were held close by a warm embrace. I remembered how these dances made the world stop turning.. how all i can see is him and me in a vast garden of roses and fireworks and the sea. But something about tonight was different, my ears seemed to be drawn to the voice of the man who sang with such emotion, for a split second it felt as though he was singing for me.
Oh how i wished i didn't do what i did next. As the song neared to the second chorus, i lifted my head and opened my eyes only to meet those eyes that captured mine through a lot of those damned champagne. He stood there, looking at me and the man that held me in his arms. And i realized that i was right, he was singing the song for me.
"Zephyrus," i whispered unconsciously. My heart seemed to stop beating, and felt like it was gonna explode. I held on to Midnight tighter, and prayed that he won't notice how shaken i was. I closed my eyes and buried my face deeper into his neck, inhaling his scent and i soon felt my heart beat again. Like the sea after a storm, i was calmed by Midnight's voice that sang along the singer, and i sighed contently like a lovestruck youngster. "I'm every woman in the world?", i whispered playfully into his ear.
He chuckled and leaned his head back that we were facing each other, "To me, yes." then he coyly glanced at the stage and back at me, "Seems to me like he thinks so too. Zephyrus, right?"
I nodded and lened against his chest, "You noticed?"
"I never miss anything about you," he said, "he looks decent enough", he added with a laugh. Midnight then lifted my face and kissed me tenderly, the kiss went deeper and deeper. We were gasping for breathe when we stopped.
"Let's go somewhere else? Somewhere..private.", i whispered and looked into his eyes that mirrored my passion.
"With all my heart, yes."
The music stopped and a new song started, the weight of Zephyrus stare made me look back. Eventually we reached our condo, and took off each other's clothes with an urgency that made the both of us laugh with wonderment.
Minutes later, Midnight lay on my chest, the beating of my heart right next to his ear. "We're positioned in reverse," i joked.
"Your chest is better, softer.", he naughtily said. I gently hit him squarely on the top of his head.
"Jerk."
He laughed so loud and seemed to laugh for an eternity, then he pulled me as he lay on his back -- i ended up sitting on top of him, my nakedness basked in the moonlight, glowing like his skin. "I love you too", he whispered.
I leaned and pressed my body against his, gave him a peck and sighed, "I take it back, you're not a jerk. You're perfect."
In a flash, i found myself in the middle of the dance floor. I looked back and i saw sadness in Zephyrus' eyes, he smiled a smile that said: "I would pull you into my arms and push him away, make love to you with all that i have.. I would do just that if you don't turn your back on me right now." So i turned back. But i can still feel the way my legs refused to move. Like i said, Zephyrus was an arrogant man, and he still managed to give me an order. And i somehow knew that if Midnight wasn't holding my hand, if the stage wasn't that far from where i stood,then i'd be asking rhetorical questions to Zephyrus as we lie naked on his bed like, right now.
"Can a person make love without love?", oh how i longed to ask Zephyrus the same thing. But i turned and met Midnight's sleepy eyes. "Well?"
"Well," he started after a hearty yawn and gathered me into his arms, "maybe."
"Maybe.."
"Uh-huh," he sleepily said.
I chuckled and pinched his nose, "Goodnight my dear, sweet midnight."
And then he kissed me once..twice and spoke, "Dream of no one else but me." and then he drifted into sleep.
I couldn't sleep. Not with the haunting way Zephyrus' shook my world. If i could, i would tell him that to my despair, i do not know either. How i wish i knew.
Zephyrus sang the song with his heart in his throat, and i will probably never forget the lines he was singing as he stared into my core.
"And I don't know how you do it:
Making love out of nothing at all.."
"I'm never gonna make it like you do, Making love out of nothing at all.."
Days have passed and there was not a single sign of Zephyrus, no one knows if he is still alive. No, i am not being sarcastic nor am i complaining, i am actually relieved that he just vaporized into thin air -- well, sort of.
"That's cute," Midnight quipped from across the table. The restaurant was actually an open area, no walls, no doors, just seats and tables placed strategically to highlight a somewhat circular "dance floor" and a humble but dominant stage where a band played love songs one after the other. The lights glowed magically, even the bay seemed to be an endless artwork of romance. And what made it all better was the man that sat in front of me, his eyes glowing with the happiness i know he must always have.
"What is?", i asked and took a sip from my bottle of four seasons juice, i vowed to not take alcohol -- it's not safe.
"Your face just showed a hundred emotions all at the same time, your mind is travelling again my dear skeptic," he answered with a boyish smile.
I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I missed that smile."
He reached out and held both of my hands, "It'll never be gone as long as you're with me."
"Hmmmn." My face then lit up with a smile.
"Just hmmn?", he asked.
"Yes, just hmmn.."
Midnight chuckled and inspected the dance floor which was considerably filled with couples, teens and little kids who danced and laughed a lot with their parents. I saw this old couple who were dancing so sweetly by the corner and i remembered my dear granny and grandpa, i held back the tears that were threatening to fall. "Remembered granny?", it was Midnight. He stood before me and stared softly into my misty eyes.
"Uh-huh.", i said and waved my hand, "I'm fine."
I watched him as he drew his breath and blew the few strands of hair that obscurred his right eye, then he offered his hand in a gesture, "Will you dance with me?"
I laughed. He looked too cute standing there like a teenage boy. This man is an angel, i have always believed so. "With all my heart, yes."
...
Old songs never grow old because they have always been old. We danced along Air supply's 'Every Woman in the world'. I had my head against Midnight's, my chin seated on his shoulder, we were held close by a warm embrace. I remembered how these dances made the world stop turning.. how all i can see is him and me in a vast garden of roses and fireworks and the sea. But something about tonight was different, my ears seemed to be drawn to the voice of the man who sang with such emotion, for a split second it felt as though he was singing for me.
Oh how i wished i didn't do what i did next. As the song neared to the second chorus, i lifted my head and opened my eyes only to meet those eyes that captured mine through a lot of those damned champagne. He stood there, looking at me and the man that held me in his arms. And i realized that i was right, he was singing the song for me.
"Zephyrus," i whispered unconsciously. My heart seemed to stop beating, and felt like it was gonna explode. I held on to Midnight tighter, and prayed that he won't notice how shaken i was. I closed my eyes and buried my face deeper into his neck, inhaling his scent and i soon felt my heart beat again. Like the sea after a storm, i was calmed by Midnight's voice that sang along the singer, and i sighed contently like a lovestruck youngster. "I'm every woman in the world?", i whispered playfully into his ear.
He chuckled and leaned his head back that we were facing each other, "To me, yes." then he coyly glanced at the stage and back at me, "Seems to me like he thinks so too. Zephyrus, right?"
I nodded and lened against his chest, "You noticed?"
"I never miss anything about you," he said, "he looks decent enough", he added with a laugh. Midnight then lifted my face and kissed me tenderly, the kiss went deeper and deeper. We were gasping for breathe when we stopped.
"Let's go somewhere else? Somewhere..private.", i whispered and looked into his eyes that mirrored my passion.
"With all my heart, yes."
The music stopped and a new song started, the weight of Zephyrus stare made me look back. Eventually we reached our condo, and took off each other's clothes with an urgency that made the both of us laugh with wonderment.
Minutes later, Midnight lay on my chest, the beating of my heart right next to his ear. "We're positioned in reverse," i joked.
"Your chest is better, softer.", he naughtily said. I gently hit him squarely on the top of his head.
"Jerk."
He laughed so loud and seemed to laugh for an eternity, then he pulled me as he lay on his back -- i ended up sitting on top of him, my nakedness basked in the moonlight, glowing like his skin. "I love you too", he whispered.
I leaned and pressed my body against his, gave him a peck and sighed, "I take it back, you're not a jerk. You're perfect."
In a flash, i found myself in the middle of the dance floor. I looked back and i saw sadness in Zephyrus' eyes, he smiled a smile that said: "I would pull you into my arms and push him away, make love to you with all that i have.. I would do just that if you don't turn your back on me right now." So i turned back. But i can still feel the way my legs refused to move. Like i said, Zephyrus was an arrogant man, and he still managed to give me an order. And i somehow knew that if Midnight wasn't holding my hand, if the stage wasn't that far from where i stood,then i'd be asking rhetorical questions to Zephyrus as we lie naked on his bed like, right now.
"Can a person make love without love?", oh how i longed to ask Zephyrus the same thing. But i turned and met Midnight's sleepy eyes. "Well?"
"Well," he started after a hearty yawn and gathered me into his arms, "maybe."
"Maybe.."
"Uh-huh," he sleepily said.
I chuckled and pinched his nose, "Goodnight my dear, sweet midnight."
And then he kissed me once..twice and spoke, "Dream of no one else but me." and then he drifted into sleep.
I couldn't sleep. Not with the haunting way Zephyrus' shook my world. If i could, i would tell him that to my despair, i do not know either. How i wish i knew.
Zephyrus sang the song with his heart in his throat, and i will probably never forget the lines he was singing as he stared into my core.
"And I don't know how you do it:
Making love out of nothing at all.."
"I'm never gonna make it like you do, Making love out of nothing at all.."
Monday, November 17, 2008
Epi 6: the Clock's Midnight Tune
The problem with the new is they tend to deviate or redirect opinions and thus, interferes with the blossoming of the old. From time to time we all tend to hate the common old which we hold to the present, and fresh revelations have the capacity to be so unworldly perfect. I say this in extreme effort to make a philosophy or a belief out of the whirlwind romance i seem to have attached myself from the day i met Zephyrus. He is a sweet, charming man in spite of the fact that he seems callous at times. He is actually a softie, but hardcore in every way. Most importantly, he is not my boyfriend becaue right now, i am staring at Midnight's calm and sleeping face. Jenine has been kind enough to drive my car and so I and Midnight stayed in the backseat. I remember how he gathered me into his arms and kissed me longingly right after he hurriedly made his way out of the airport. He smelled of summer...
and of everything i loved.
What the heck, loved? It's love, without the 'd', he smelled of everything i love.
There, now that's better.
"Hey," Jenine called my attention from the driver's seat, "were you just talking to yourself?"
I glanced at her in the rearview mirror and smiled, "More of arguing with myself Jenine."
I heard her laugh a little, then he looked at Midnight's hand which held mine in sweet, sweet possesion, "He missed you terribly didn't he?"
"I missed him too. Terribly, badly and all those crazy adjectives you can think of." She chuckled and remained silent through the trip, driving in concentration. On the other hand, i gently touched Modnight's face and settled myself in his arms. As if on cue he pulled me tighter into him and held me close. I checked and saw that he was still asleep. "I missed you," i whispered.
Midnight just lay still, but in the dim lights of the tunnel, his reflection on the rearview mirror showed me that he smiled contently and sleepily into the night.
'The heart hears, the heart knows', that's what my granny used to say. If she was here, i'd tell her that Midnight hears,
and he most definitely knows.
"Someone was here.", Midnight whispered as we lay on the bed after Jenine left that night. I was leaning on his chest and he held me at my waist.
"What?", i asked.
"Someone was here, and spent time with you while i was away. I can feel it.", he answered, smiling at me curiously, "if he was even half as gorgeous as me, then i think i'll understand."
I chuckled and closed my eyes as i rubbed my face against his muscled chest, "He was just a wind.. A mighty wind that almost swept me away."
"Hmmn," i heard him say, "Tell me about it."
So i went to tell him of the whirlwind that shook my world while the peace of midnight was away in hawaii. All the while i was looking at his face to see if anything was to come -- anger, doubt, confusion -- but all i saw was fondness and understanding. And i thought to myself, 'bliss runs through the veins of this man'.
"In the end, midnight won?", he inquired, playfully treading the strands of my hair with a grin.
"There was never a battle, i have always been yours.", i answered, staring straight into his eyes.
The night went on, and the exchange of stories was rich. Before I knew it i was already asleep. In the silence of that moment when a woman closes her eyes to drift in the wonderment of rest, dreams come.
Dreaming, i saw Midnight shed a tear as slowly, the grin disappeared and the cold night went on. He held me tighter, then he said, "There was a battle.. there was a battle and i almost lost you, i saw it in your eyes. It was in your voice as you said his name. And i fear that the battle isn't over yet, it has just began."
Dreams.. We confuse them with reality and at that moment, when i felt the dampness of his tears on my face, i realized that i was awake and that evrything was real.
"Midnight...", i whispered and helplessly held on to him like i was about to fall. I put my forehead next to his and kissed him sweetly.
He broke the kiss and looked straight into my eyes. The look he gave me made me remember how my puppy looked at me when he was about to die.
"Will you still love me?", he asked, "The wind is never gone my love, while midnight comes only once everyday."
"I will.. I will still love you.. For without Midnight, there will be no beginnings, no end.. the days, nights and eternity will be in trouble.. See, when midnight's gone, time will break and i will never be the same again."
He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose, then positioned me beside him as we lay in silence, the lullaby of sleep ringing in our ears. He fell asleep half an hour later. Slowly, i stood up and sat by the window, opened it and stared into the night, psyche and cupid battled deep inside me.
Just as the gigantic clock in the middle of the city rang it's midnight tune, a raging western wind stirred the heavens and the earths -- clouds danced and so did the leaves, trees and the curtains. The blaring lights and city noises almost made the clock invisible and the tune inaudible,
but the wind? Like a king, the wind went on with his parade and earned a gasp, a chuckle, a silence, a childlike "woah", spontaneous laughters and yells from the people and friends that shaped the city.
I found myself holding on to my seat, as if any minute i might fall off.
He will keep on trying to sweep me away,
but my heart will always hear the clock ringing, singing the tune of the magical midnight.
And i will always be sure to hold on, the one person that hears the song of that gigantic tower that even the raging western wind wasn't able to break into a fall.
and of everything i loved.
What the heck, loved? It's love, without the 'd', he smelled of everything i love.
There, now that's better.
"Hey," Jenine called my attention from the driver's seat, "were you just talking to yourself?"
I glanced at her in the rearview mirror and smiled, "More of arguing with myself Jenine."
I heard her laugh a little, then he looked at Midnight's hand which held mine in sweet, sweet possesion, "He missed you terribly didn't he?"
"I missed him too. Terribly, badly and all those crazy adjectives you can think of." She chuckled and remained silent through the trip, driving in concentration. On the other hand, i gently touched Modnight's face and settled myself in his arms. As if on cue he pulled me tighter into him and held me close. I checked and saw that he was still asleep. "I missed you," i whispered.
Midnight just lay still, but in the dim lights of the tunnel, his reflection on the rearview mirror showed me that he smiled contently and sleepily into the night.
'The heart hears, the heart knows', that's what my granny used to say. If she was here, i'd tell her that Midnight hears,
and he most definitely knows.
"Someone was here.", Midnight whispered as we lay on the bed after Jenine left that night. I was leaning on his chest and he held me at my waist.
"What?", i asked.
"Someone was here, and spent time with you while i was away. I can feel it.", he answered, smiling at me curiously, "if he was even half as gorgeous as me, then i think i'll understand."
I chuckled and closed my eyes as i rubbed my face against his muscled chest, "He was just a wind.. A mighty wind that almost swept me away."
"Hmmn," i heard him say, "Tell me about it."
So i went to tell him of the whirlwind that shook my world while the peace of midnight was away in hawaii. All the while i was looking at his face to see if anything was to come -- anger, doubt, confusion -- but all i saw was fondness and understanding. And i thought to myself, 'bliss runs through the veins of this man'.
"In the end, midnight won?", he inquired, playfully treading the strands of my hair with a grin.
"There was never a battle, i have always been yours.", i answered, staring straight into his eyes.
The night went on, and the exchange of stories was rich. Before I knew it i was already asleep. In the silence of that moment when a woman closes her eyes to drift in the wonderment of rest, dreams come.
Dreaming, i saw Midnight shed a tear as slowly, the grin disappeared and the cold night went on. He held me tighter, then he said, "There was a battle.. there was a battle and i almost lost you, i saw it in your eyes. It was in your voice as you said his name. And i fear that the battle isn't over yet, it has just began."
Dreams.. We confuse them with reality and at that moment, when i felt the dampness of his tears on my face, i realized that i was awake and that evrything was real.
"Midnight...", i whispered and helplessly held on to him like i was about to fall. I put my forehead next to his and kissed him sweetly.
He broke the kiss and looked straight into my eyes. The look he gave me made me remember how my puppy looked at me when he was about to die.
"Will you still love me?", he asked, "The wind is never gone my love, while midnight comes only once everyday."
"I will.. I will still love you.. For without Midnight, there will be no beginnings, no end.. the days, nights and eternity will be in trouble.. See, when midnight's gone, time will break and i will never be the same again."
He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose, then positioned me beside him as we lay in silence, the lullaby of sleep ringing in our ears. He fell asleep half an hour later. Slowly, i stood up and sat by the window, opened it and stared into the night, psyche and cupid battled deep inside me.
Just as the gigantic clock in the middle of the city rang it's midnight tune, a raging western wind stirred the heavens and the earths -- clouds danced and so did the leaves, trees and the curtains. The blaring lights and city noises almost made the clock invisible and the tune inaudible,
but the wind? Like a king, the wind went on with his parade and earned a gasp, a chuckle, a silence, a childlike "woah", spontaneous laughters and yells from the people and friends that shaped the city.
I found myself holding on to my seat, as if any minute i might fall off.
He will keep on trying to sweep me away,
but my heart will always hear the clock ringing, singing the tune of the magical midnight.
And i will always be sure to hold on, the one person that hears the song of that gigantic tower that even the raging western wind wasn't able to break into a fall.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
5th: Heaven and Hell
Nobody said fate played fair. No one ever assured us that life doesn't mess with our expectations and plans. And cupid? Trash cupid. As far as i am concerned, his arrow must not strike one heart twice, that would be adulterous. But then, i recall how in my younger years i would hear my mother say: "But i've been wrong before." And she wasn't the only one.
In my life's fairytale, I have always been some sort of Cinderella, a dark-humored Cinderella. It is nevertheless shocking and earth-shaking when in my tale, instead of losing one of those glass slippers that never seemed to break, i lose my clothes and everything underneath. What's worst is this strong hands begin to caress and squeeze along the length of my body and i actually respond, and then i slowly open my eyes expecting to see Midnight's beautiful face (in my head, i was thinking that this was like one of those mornings when I just wake up beside the man I plan to spend my forever with) only to see someone else.
Oh he is a man alright, the length of his even-toned and naked body lay confidently beside me, his eyes concentrated on my face which i presume has successfully showed how alarmed i felt at that moment.
"Good morning stranger", Zephyrus said coyly as he grinned and lay on top of me, "Your boyfriend called early this morning, around 5 am, he said he was uh, gonna be back in 5 days and that he misses and loves you terribly. Corny if you ask me."
With all my strength i pushed him off me and stood up, arms akimbo. It wasn't until he raised an eyebrow and groaned that i realized i was standing in front of him in my nakedness. I would have been embarrased if not for the fact that i now remembered how last night (or morning) was --- hot, wanton, steamy --- and here comes the part i dread the most : adulterous.
"You're impossible.", I muttered breathelessly. "You.. How could you?.. I.. I have a man i love and you barge into our condo and.. and seduce me into our bed to take advantage of my drunk state!". I was blabbering alright, but i didn't care. I just couldn't believe that alcohol has taken me this far. Why me?
"Seriously stranger," he started as he sat up and faced me, tactically draping a portion of the blanket on his 'down there'. "I recall that I wasn't the one moaning 'harder'. Second, you weren't entirely drunk because i know for sure that you know whatever it is that happened last night, or morning and third," he paused and stretched his back as he yawned, "If it was the drunk part that you are so mad about, we can go try the sober part just so you realize that in some ways i can be better than your boring and safe sailing Midnight." And then he smiled like a little boy who just got caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do and covering it up by being irresistably cute.
I loved to have the last word, my mother said so. My friends said so. But something about this man just changed that. Surprisingly, i just stood there, my face twisted in disbelief. He continued to inspect me in a challenging way. In distress I raised my arms in surrender, rolled my eyes and started to the door.
"Not so fast querida," then he held me from behind and kissed me gently on my temple, he angled my face and planted butterfly kisses from my forehead, cheeks, jaw, shoulder and nape. I knew i shouldn't, but i melted into his warmth like a little girl needed protection. From what, i didn't know.
...
Zephyrus stood before me, showered and wearing a long-sleeved polo shirt, all buttons opened exposing a muscled torso. I was lying on the bed, still naked, but i stayed hidden underneath the blanket which i draped around my shoulders. I was, in description, in an upright fetal position. I was looking at him like my whole being depended on what he has to say.
He smiled at me. It was a different smile, it was a smile that said I was special. "You used me again.", i whispered jokingly. He laughed heartily and drew some of the strands of his hair that fell to his forehead like a lover. "What are we doing?", I asked after a long sigh and to my horror i felt the tears fall. "I'm sorry, I.. I don't usually cry but I am just utterly and inevitably confused." I looked straight into his eyes and saw softness.. and warmth.. an assurance that everything is alright. Out of nowhere my mother's voice seemed to echo through my head, it was those times when we asked her why she married dad. Every single time she said the same thing : "Something in his eyes told me that everything is gonna be alright."
"I can't fall in love with you." I said in hoarse voice. He smiled tenderly and sat beside me, held my right hand between both of his hands which i noticed were soft and gentle. "I know." he said, and there was sadness in his voice. He let go of my hand and lay down that his head was in level with my feet. He cushioned his magnificent head with a pillow and watched me.
"What?", i asked, almost chuckling.
"What we have, that's what.", Zephyrus stated. He reached for my toes feet and drew little circles on them with his pointer. "I have never broken rules in my life querida. I see your back and i lose control, your back. I mean, your back. It's unquestionably odd and I really don't know why i see forever in your eyes. My forever."
"Such words, i never knew you could have such substance.", i quipped and he chuckled.
He stood up, came to me and kissed me softly. "I would willingly reveal who i am my dear sweet skeptic. One of these days you will."
"Do you believe in heaven, or in hell?", i asked as he was walking away. He stopped on his tracks and turned around to face me. In light, careful steps he strode to a good 2 feet from the foot of the bed i was sitting on,
"Yes i do. I live in both."
"You do?"
"Uh-huh."
"Tell me about it then." I urged him out of intense curiousity and interest. I just really wanted to know what he meant. I mean rhetorically speaking I understood, but i wanted to know his story. The look on his face told me there was something more.
"My hell is a place with fast cars, fast women and fast food plus all those fancy rich man stuff.", he answered, shrugging his shoulders.
"And your heaven?"
I just watched as he came close enough to sit beside me and touch my face, his eyes dancing in, i am not sure but, it must have been happiness.
"It's just a small room," he whispered into my ear, "just a small, tiny room with nothing else, nothing else but you."
In my life's fairytale, I have always been some sort of Cinderella, a dark-humored Cinderella. It is nevertheless shocking and earth-shaking when in my tale, instead of losing one of those glass slippers that never seemed to break, i lose my clothes and everything underneath. What's worst is this strong hands begin to caress and squeeze along the length of my body and i actually respond, and then i slowly open my eyes expecting to see Midnight's beautiful face (in my head, i was thinking that this was like one of those mornings when I just wake up beside the man I plan to spend my forever with) only to see someone else.
Oh he is a man alright, the length of his even-toned and naked body lay confidently beside me, his eyes concentrated on my face which i presume has successfully showed how alarmed i felt at that moment.
"Good morning stranger", Zephyrus said coyly as he grinned and lay on top of me, "Your boyfriend called early this morning, around 5 am, he said he was uh, gonna be back in 5 days and that he misses and loves you terribly. Corny if you ask me."
With all my strength i pushed him off me and stood up, arms akimbo. It wasn't until he raised an eyebrow and groaned that i realized i was standing in front of him in my nakedness. I would have been embarrased if not for the fact that i now remembered how last night (or morning) was --- hot, wanton, steamy --- and here comes the part i dread the most : adulterous.
"You're impossible.", I muttered breathelessly. "You.. How could you?.. I.. I have a man i love and you barge into our condo and.. and seduce me into our bed to take advantage of my drunk state!". I was blabbering alright, but i didn't care. I just couldn't believe that alcohol has taken me this far. Why me?
"Seriously stranger," he started as he sat up and faced me, tactically draping a portion of the blanket on his 'down there'. "I recall that I wasn't the one moaning 'harder'. Second, you weren't entirely drunk because i know for sure that you know whatever it is that happened last night, or morning and third," he paused and stretched his back as he yawned, "If it was the drunk part that you are so mad about, we can go try the sober part just so you realize that in some ways i can be better than your boring and safe sailing Midnight." And then he smiled like a little boy who just got caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do and covering it up by being irresistably cute.
I loved to have the last word, my mother said so. My friends said so. But something about this man just changed that. Surprisingly, i just stood there, my face twisted in disbelief. He continued to inspect me in a challenging way. In distress I raised my arms in surrender, rolled my eyes and started to the door.
"Not so fast querida," then he held me from behind and kissed me gently on my temple, he angled my face and planted butterfly kisses from my forehead, cheeks, jaw, shoulder and nape. I knew i shouldn't, but i melted into his warmth like a little girl needed protection. From what, i didn't know.
...
Zephyrus stood before me, showered and wearing a long-sleeved polo shirt, all buttons opened exposing a muscled torso. I was lying on the bed, still naked, but i stayed hidden underneath the blanket which i draped around my shoulders. I was, in description, in an upright fetal position. I was looking at him like my whole being depended on what he has to say.
He smiled at me. It was a different smile, it was a smile that said I was special. "You used me again.", i whispered jokingly. He laughed heartily and drew some of the strands of his hair that fell to his forehead like a lover. "What are we doing?", I asked after a long sigh and to my horror i felt the tears fall. "I'm sorry, I.. I don't usually cry but I am just utterly and inevitably confused." I looked straight into his eyes and saw softness.. and warmth.. an assurance that everything is alright. Out of nowhere my mother's voice seemed to echo through my head, it was those times when we asked her why she married dad. Every single time she said the same thing : "Something in his eyes told me that everything is gonna be alright."
"I can't fall in love with you." I said in hoarse voice. He smiled tenderly and sat beside me, held my right hand between both of his hands which i noticed were soft and gentle. "I know." he said, and there was sadness in his voice. He let go of my hand and lay down that his head was in level with my feet. He cushioned his magnificent head with a pillow and watched me.
"What?", i asked, almost chuckling.
"What we have, that's what.", Zephyrus stated. He reached for my toes feet and drew little circles on them with his pointer. "I have never broken rules in my life querida. I see your back and i lose control, your back. I mean, your back. It's unquestionably odd and I really don't know why i see forever in your eyes. My forever."
"Such words, i never knew you could have such substance.", i quipped and he chuckled.
He stood up, came to me and kissed me softly. "I would willingly reveal who i am my dear sweet skeptic. One of these days you will."
"Do you believe in heaven, or in hell?", i asked as he was walking away. He stopped on his tracks and turned around to face me. In light, careful steps he strode to a good 2 feet from the foot of the bed i was sitting on,
"Yes i do. I live in both."
"You do?"
"Uh-huh."
"Tell me about it then." I urged him out of intense curiousity and interest. I just really wanted to know what he meant. I mean rhetorically speaking I understood, but i wanted to know his story. The look on his face told me there was something more.
"My hell is a place with fast cars, fast women and fast food plus all those fancy rich man stuff.", he answered, shrugging his shoulders.
"And your heaven?"
I just watched as he came close enough to sit beside me and touch my face, his eyes dancing in, i am not sure but, it must have been happiness.
"It's just a small room," he whispered into my ear, "just a small, tiny room with nothing else, nothing else but you."
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Epi 4: "Zephyrus: the god of the west wind"
Kisses linger. Kisses from your boyfriend, your mother, your dad, your niece and even from your dog. But eventually and unfortunately, a kiss from a handsome stranger does not just linger, but haunts and bites it's way through your brain and complicates your rather content and very much taken heart. It is a major catastrophe because one, I have been dreaming of Zephyrus whoever he is since that night, which was a good 4 nerve-wrecking nights ago. Reason number two, Midnight is still in Hawaii and will be in Hawaii until next week, which means that third, i won't be kissing him 'til then which leads us to reason number four: that stranger's mouth will continue to make a mess out of my quiet and dark-humored, happy life.
"Something is wrong, I can tell.", Jenine said the moment she settled on the couch Midnight loved to sit on. She was wearing an orange tube sundress and white ballerina flats.
"What brings you to my Midnight-less home?", i asked her.
"That is not the point, you are floating in another world and i can bet Midnight isn't even in it.", she continued, staring into my eyes, "You are painfully distracted since my party, did something happen?". She was worried, but i can see clearly that she is teasing me.
I stood up and started into the balcony where I watched the city from above. I noticed how the temperature has reached drastic changes from negative zero to this nice, cozy warmth. Global warming seems to be working overtime. Jenine followed me there and leaned on the railings, facing the other way, "You met Zephyrus didin't you?", she asked.
I sharply turned my head to face her, "You know him? I mean, of course you do because he gallantly marched all night at your party but,do you know him?". The glint in her eyes as i raised the question meant one thing: she understood what i meant, which is proof that she is indeed my friend.
She gently shook her head. It took me a few seconds to notice that her eyes were dancing, the next thing i knew, she was laughing her head off. "What is so funny?", i asked, my eyebrows raised and my temper slightly flaring.
She stopped laughing and looked at me with a flabbergasted look on her face, "Your temper is actually flaring, you haven't done that human thing for a really long time now," she quipped, "You're losing control.", she concluded.
"I am not!", and i realized too late that i just raised my voice. "Bummer, I am losing control."
"And you're worried?", jenine questioned as she sat on the railings and looked to the same direction as i am. "What happened that night?"
The roads below were busy and people flew from one place to another. I sighed and asked her, "Should i be worried?"
"I don't know.Should you?"
"Are you?", i asked again.
"Honestly, yes." It was at that point that i looked at her.
"Why?"
I watched her take a cigarette from her purse and lit it with the lighter she "stole" from me a few weeks ago, then, she handed me one. I was lighting mine when she spoke, "You know better than I do. And i also know that you're only asking me to be sure which i must say is pretty useless since you have this big brain that just gets to the conclusion before anyone does."
I chuckled and lay my head on the railings, holding my cigarette in my left, outstretched hand. "My big brain says I'm in trouble."
I heard her cough a little, "and you're big brain knows why.", she whispered. I straightened my back and took a puff from my cigar, "Midnight's not coming back in ten days.", i told her, "I miss him."
Jenine's cigar has burned up, she casually threw it on the trash I positioned at the corner of the balcony. "Let's hope Midnight comes back before Zephyrus does," she said as she walked to the door leading to the living room. She stood before the front door, turned her back and reached for the knob. She turned her head enough to meet my eyes, "after all, a perfectly handsome man named after the god of the west wind must not be taken lightly.", then she smiled and left, closing the door behind her.
It is these days off from work that we hold our own little meeting anywhere we choose too. We talk about our lives, about Prada shoes and Gucci bags, Paris and Egypt and yes, we talk about crap and we laugh at shit, we even argue about life and death.
I can bet that this certain meeting: her face, her orange sundress and ballerina flats, the couch, the cigars, the lighter, the balcony, the trash in the balcony, and the dramatic little talk we had before she closed the door, will be one hell of a memory i will never ever forget. Especially because not all meetings can make my instincts spiral into a highway of visions and premonitions. My granny always said there are conversations that will change the course of one's life completely, my mother called it "a historical road-bend". They both said that one day, a single spontaneous spark will trigger an explosion that i will fear and love at the same time. They strongly advised that i do not argue with fate or battle it out with destiny because "my dear, you will be blown away and you must accept that there are things you cannot help or change" and that "the unexpected can make you happy in ways the expected never could."
Sitting here, on the nice warm floor of the balcony, i conclude that Jenine, my mother and my wonderful granny must be one soul divided into three.
As much as i would like to defend and reason against their principle, i know deep inside that there is a "fairytale reality" in what they believed in and that even a dark-humored cinderella would start dancing on those crazy glass shoes.
My boyfriend was named in relation to the sorcerry of the multi-dimensional midnight-- mysterious, deep, enchanted and magical, where beginnings and ends meet.
But to be haunted by the kiss of a stranger named after the god of the west wind?
Jenine was right, Zephyrus must not be taken lightly:
He just might come in his godly breeze,
and blow me away.
"Something is wrong, I can tell.", Jenine said the moment she settled on the couch Midnight loved to sit on. She was wearing an orange tube sundress and white ballerina flats.
"What brings you to my Midnight-less home?", i asked her.
"That is not the point, you are floating in another world and i can bet Midnight isn't even in it.", she continued, staring into my eyes, "You are painfully distracted since my party, did something happen?". She was worried, but i can see clearly that she is teasing me.
I stood up and started into the balcony where I watched the city from above. I noticed how the temperature has reached drastic changes from negative zero to this nice, cozy warmth. Global warming seems to be working overtime. Jenine followed me there and leaned on the railings, facing the other way, "You met Zephyrus didin't you?", she asked.
I sharply turned my head to face her, "You know him? I mean, of course you do because he gallantly marched all night at your party but,do you know him?". The glint in her eyes as i raised the question meant one thing: she understood what i meant, which is proof that she is indeed my friend.
She gently shook her head. It took me a few seconds to notice that her eyes were dancing, the next thing i knew, she was laughing her head off. "What is so funny?", i asked, my eyebrows raised and my temper slightly flaring.
She stopped laughing and looked at me with a flabbergasted look on her face, "Your temper is actually flaring, you haven't done that human thing for a really long time now," she quipped, "You're losing control.", she concluded.
"I am not!", and i realized too late that i just raised my voice. "Bummer, I am losing control."
"And you're worried?", jenine questioned as she sat on the railings and looked to the same direction as i am. "What happened that night?"
The roads below were busy and people flew from one place to another. I sighed and asked her, "Should i be worried?"
"I don't know.Should you?"
"Are you?", i asked again.
"Honestly, yes." It was at that point that i looked at her.
"Why?"
I watched her take a cigarette from her purse and lit it with the lighter she "stole" from me a few weeks ago, then, she handed me one. I was lighting mine when she spoke, "You know better than I do. And i also know that you're only asking me to be sure which i must say is pretty useless since you have this big brain that just gets to the conclusion before anyone does."
I chuckled and lay my head on the railings, holding my cigarette in my left, outstretched hand. "My big brain says I'm in trouble."
I heard her cough a little, "and you're big brain knows why.", she whispered. I straightened my back and took a puff from my cigar, "Midnight's not coming back in ten days.", i told her, "I miss him."
Jenine's cigar has burned up, she casually threw it on the trash I positioned at the corner of the balcony. "Let's hope Midnight comes back before Zephyrus does," she said as she walked to the door leading to the living room. She stood before the front door, turned her back and reached for the knob. She turned her head enough to meet my eyes, "after all, a perfectly handsome man named after the god of the west wind must not be taken lightly.", then she smiled and left, closing the door behind her.
It is these days off from work that we hold our own little meeting anywhere we choose too. We talk about our lives, about Prada shoes and Gucci bags, Paris and Egypt and yes, we talk about crap and we laugh at shit, we even argue about life and death.
I can bet that this certain meeting: her face, her orange sundress and ballerina flats, the couch, the cigars, the lighter, the balcony, the trash in the balcony, and the dramatic little talk we had before she closed the door, will be one hell of a memory i will never ever forget. Especially because not all meetings can make my instincts spiral into a highway of visions and premonitions. My granny always said there are conversations that will change the course of one's life completely, my mother called it "a historical road-bend". They both said that one day, a single spontaneous spark will trigger an explosion that i will fear and love at the same time. They strongly advised that i do not argue with fate or battle it out with destiny because "my dear, you will be blown away and you must accept that there are things you cannot help or change" and that "the unexpected can make you happy in ways the expected never could."
Sitting here, on the nice warm floor of the balcony, i conclude that Jenine, my mother and my wonderful granny must be one soul divided into three.
As much as i would like to defend and reason against their principle, i know deep inside that there is a "fairytale reality" in what they believed in and that even a dark-humored cinderella would start dancing on those crazy glass shoes.
My boyfriend was named in relation to the sorcerry of the multi-dimensional midnight-- mysterious, deep, enchanted and magical, where beginnings and ends meet.
But to be haunted by the kiss of a stranger named after the god of the west wind?
Jenine was right, Zephyrus must not be taken lightly:
He just might come in his godly breeze,
and blow me away.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Epi 3: Of damned champagne and stolen kisses
I remember when my mom sang me that indian lullaby every night. I remember how it gave me nightmares about dreamcatchers and incantations but i never told her that. She loved the song too much and i didn't wanna break her heart. Besides, she gave me cookies everyday. Funny how a little girl's mind works, cookies for nightmares? It just doesn't make any sense when you've grown up.
Lately,i have been indulging myself to chocolate flavored ice cream and cakes. Some business transaction stole my boyfriend away and swept him to hawaii three days ago and he won't be back for two weeks. I told him hawaii was filled of women with golden skin and almond eyes, dressed in silk swimsuits and flowers in their sun-kissed hair. He laughed and pinched my wrinkled little nose and said, "They'll never look as good as you, you're a god."
I realized that firstly, when your boyfriend who looks like a demi-god calls you a god in spite of the fact that he's seen you naked, you just know he won't get swept away by no one elese but you. Secondly, you will feel your cheeks heat up to that tragedy i thought only teenagers knew: blushing. Lastly, you begin to think it was all an exaggeration and start to conclude that it's some sort of a cover-up but he sees you raise your eyebrow so he kisses you and makes you forget everything. I'm starting to think Midnight is a wicked man,
and a really great kisser.
...
"So, what are your plans this week?", Jenine asked. We were in the powder room and i noticed how her mouth opens everytime her mascara touches her already beautiful lashes. This woman will never fail to amaze me.
"Nothing.", i replied.
"How nice.", she quipped. "No parties?"
"Are you setting up one?"
She laughed and applied a new coat of gloss in her lips. "If you'll come."
"You're in love with me.", i joked and we laughed together. I picked up my liner and swept it across my eyes, "When?"
Jenine leaned on the sink and shrugged her shoulders, "Haven't really thought of that yet. I love your hair."
We continued to the elevator and reached the parking lot together. "So," she started, "You'll come to my party?"
I opened the door of my Porsche and sat comfortably at the driver's seat, my mother's picture smiled at me from the dashboard, "Sure.", then i closed the door and started the ignition. In my peripheral vision i saw her roll her eyes and wave at me. Drive safe, she mouthed. I waved back and drove away.
...
"I miss you so much, damn these investors.", Midnight muttered under his breath. In these rare occassion, appreciation of technology's breakthroughs comes easy to me. Normally, i fear these breakthroughs. Somehow, I've brought myself to believe that they will someday control us instead of us controlling them. Scary truth.
"Jenine's throwing a party.", i blurted out. I saw his eyebrows meet in a single line, his face crowding the monitor of my laptop. "Mind if I go?'
He leaned closer to the cam and stared at me, "Are you sure about this?". I saw his mouth curl into a smile and i knew he was teasing me again. He knew me too well. I never went to a party without him and now here i am asking for his permission to go to one alone.
I glared at him. He threw his head back in a hearty laugh. "You go, i won't mind.", he said, smiling.
"Ok.", i smacked my lips together and whispered, "I love you."
I moved my hand and shut my laptop. In my head, i could only imagine the incredulous look on his face as he stared at the now blank frame where my face was just a few seconds ago. He will take some moment to shake his head and smile into the nothingness. Then he'll say, "Damn, i love you too."
...
Leaning against the window, i turned to meet an angelic face that smiled like the devil, "Who are you?". Trust me, i didn't mean to sound like an irritated granny, but i did.
"The name's Zephyrus", like a king he confidently carried my feet off the windowseat and sat beside me, "and you?"
"I'm somebody's baby."
"You are?", he said, not a bit disappointed. I could swear, i saw a glint of amazement in his eyes, "I bet he will mind if i do this..", he stared deeply into my eyes and i opened my mouth to ask what he meant but the cat got my tongue and i couldn't find my voice. In contempt, i rolled my eyes and shook my head. I felt my world spin so i closed my eyes, the damn champagne got me.
Zephyrus chuckled. As though he had every right to do so, he raised my face and held it with his surprisingly strong hands and attacked my lips. Ridiculous really, in my saner days i would have smacked him with my three inch stilletos but instead, i clung to him and responded, trying to equal with his passion. When he finally broke the kiss a hundred years later, he grazed butterfly kisses on my jaw as he gently put my back on the comfy foam of the windowseat.
Still trying to catch my breath, i watched how he stood up in a manner my mother would have loved. He turned his back to me, looked back like a little boy and winked at me.
As he walked away, i could hear my mother's voice chanting her beloved poetry:
"Ah, curse the kisses of the holy devil,
he smiles like fire and bites like hell..
He smears your lips with blazing thorns
Beware, beware, the handsome devil."
I only said two words: "O, mother."
Lately,i have been indulging myself to chocolate flavored ice cream and cakes. Some business transaction stole my boyfriend away and swept him to hawaii three days ago and he won't be back for two weeks. I told him hawaii was filled of women with golden skin and almond eyes, dressed in silk swimsuits and flowers in their sun-kissed hair. He laughed and pinched my wrinkled little nose and said, "They'll never look as good as you, you're a god."
I realized that firstly, when your boyfriend who looks like a demi-god calls you a god in spite of the fact that he's seen you naked, you just know he won't get swept away by no one elese but you. Secondly, you will feel your cheeks heat up to that tragedy i thought only teenagers knew: blushing. Lastly, you begin to think it was all an exaggeration and start to conclude that it's some sort of a cover-up but he sees you raise your eyebrow so he kisses you and makes you forget everything. I'm starting to think Midnight is a wicked man,
and a really great kisser.
...
"So, what are your plans this week?", Jenine asked. We were in the powder room and i noticed how her mouth opens everytime her mascara touches her already beautiful lashes. This woman will never fail to amaze me.
"Nothing.", i replied.
"How nice.", she quipped. "No parties?"
"Are you setting up one?"
She laughed and applied a new coat of gloss in her lips. "If you'll come."
"You're in love with me.", i joked and we laughed together. I picked up my liner and swept it across my eyes, "When?"
Jenine leaned on the sink and shrugged her shoulders, "Haven't really thought of that yet. I love your hair."
We continued to the elevator and reached the parking lot together. "So," she started, "You'll come to my party?"
I opened the door of my Porsche and sat comfortably at the driver's seat, my mother's picture smiled at me from the dashboard, "Sure.", then i closed the door and started the ignition. In my peripheral vision i saw her roll her eyes and wave at me. Drive safe, she mouthed. I waved back and drove away.
...
"I miss you so much, damn these investors.", Midnight muttered under his breath. In these rare occassion, appreciation of technology's breakthroughs comes easy to me. Normally, i fear these breakthroughs. Somehow, I've brought myself to believe that they will someday control us instead of us controlling them. Scary truth.
"Jenine's throwing a party.", i blurted out. I saw his eyebrows meet in a single line, his face crowding the monitor of my laptop. "Mind if I go?'
He leaned closer to the cam and stared at me, "Are you sure about this?". I saw his mouth curl into a smile and i knew he was teasing me again. He knew me too well. I never went to a party without him and now here i am asking for his permission to go to one alone.
I glared at him. He threw his head back in a hearty laugh. "You go, i won't mind.", he said, smiling.
"Ok.", i smacked my lips together and whispered, "I love you."
I moved my hand and shut my laptop. In my head, i could only imagine the incredulous look on his face as he stared at the now blank frame where my face was just a few seconds ago. He will take some moment to shake his head and smile into the nothingness. Then he'll say, "Damn, i love you too."
...
I sat by Jenine's towering window and sipped my champagne, watching the skyline. She threw the party in the 60th floor of a rich and extremely expensive building where she lived.
My mother loved champagne. She loved red wine and vodka but she loved champagne the most. She said it reminds her of an ancient poem about the "rose's blood" and a "woman's lips". I wanted to, but to my despair i never found that poem. Maybe she wrote it herself and hid it in a golden box of sinful roses or as she used to say "buried it in her heart".
"Hey stranger."Leaning against the window, i turned to meet an angelic face that smiled like the devil, "Who are you?". Trust me, i didn't mean to sound like an irritated granny, but i did.
"The name's Zephyrus", like a king he confidently carried my feet off the windowseat and sat beside me, "and you?"
"I'm somebody's baby."
"You are?", he said, not a bit disappointed. I could swear, i saw a glint of amazement in his eyes, "I bet he will mind if i do this..", he stared deeply into my eyes and i opened my mouth to ask what he meant but the cat got my tongue and i couldn't find my voice. In contempt, i rolled my eyes and shook my head. I felt my world spin so i closed my eyes, the damn champagne got me.
Zephyrus chuckled. As though he had every right to do so, he raised my face and held it with his surprisingly strong hands and attacked my lips. Ridiculous really, in my saner days i would have smacked him with my three inch stilletos but instead, i clung to him and responded, trying to equal with his passion. When he finally broke the kiss a hundred years later, he grazed butterfly kisses on my jaw as he gently put my back on the comfy foam of the windowseat.
Still trying to catch my breath, i watched how he stood up in a manner my mother would have loved. He turned his back to me, looked back like a little boy and winked at me.
As he walked away, i could hear my mother's voice chanting her beloved poetry:
"Ah, curse the kisses of the holy devil,
he smiles like fire and bites like hell..
He smears your lips with blazing thorns
Beware, beware, the handsome devil."
I only said two words: "O, mother."
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Second: the best that you can do is fall in love
We made love that morning. he turned the heater at a good 100 degrees before he kissed me and gently lay me on top of the bed. What began was a sensual dance only lovers could understand. And all i can remember is that i love him, and that he loves me.
It was around the 12th of august, two winters ago when i met him. His eyes were brown and his hair was really dark and carelessly tousled. His nose is actually femininely aristocratic, his lips are the best i have ever seen. He stands at six feet flat and is the youngest child and only son of an international business tycoon, graduated at the top of his class in Harvard and dated a hundred beautiful-sometimes-dumb women. And they all loved him and his money and his image, but he never loved anyone the way he loves me.
He woke up 15 minutes later and found me dressed up and eating breakfast on the living room's floor. I noticed he was wearing his pants and the shirt i gave him for his birthday, "It's warm." he said from across the hall of our humble but massive condo unit. When i didn't say anything, he sat next to me and continued to talk, "Your silence is mesmerizing, remember when you threw a knife at me the first time we made love?", and then he laughed hiswonderful laugh.
"You took advantage of an innocent virgin, what did you expect me to do, beg you to tear up my insides again?", I snapped at him jokingly as I lay my head on his lap.
I watched him laugh for the next full minute, and when he recovered, he spoke, "But i made it up to you, and i still am, right?"
"Well, yeah, sort of." I replied half-heartedly, trying to piss him off.
Before I knew it he was pinning me down on the floor,"Ugh! What is it this time?", i asked him, smiling.
Grinning sheepishly, he said, "Ready for round two?"
...
"Be home for dinner, i'm cooking your favorite pasta tonight.", he said an hour later after we showered and put on clean clothes with a resistance i never knew a man could have.
"I will, don't you have work today?", i asked him, wondering aloud.
"Nah, i finished everything up yesterday, it's my day off today."
"hmmmn. I'll call you from the office, ok?", i said, kissed him goodbye and walked away. In the car I opened my cell to find that he sent me a message. It said:
'Take care, I love you.'
...
"You are surprisingly impossibly effecient today, what did you have for breakfast?", Jenine asked from her cubicle. She has been an officemate and a friend to me. We got into the advertising company at the same time. She has been wearing glasses since i can remember, it looks good on her. She says it makes her look smarter, which i think is a bit odd.
I drank from my cup of coffee and looked at her, "You really wanna know?"
"Of course."
"Ok."
"So what did you have for breakfast?", she childishly asked.
What I said next probably shook her world so much that she fell off her swivel chair and stood up to stare at me with obvious amazement and awe. She said only one word, "Amazing."
...
At dinner, i sat across Midnight who was chattering endlessly about his little misadventures in the grocery. Halfway through, he suddenly stopped and stared deeply into my eyes, "You've been smiling since you arrived. Did something marvelously out of this world happen?", he asked.
I leaned over closer and tapped my nails on the table, "I siad something really wonderful it made Jenine fall off her chair."
He leaned to me and maintained an eye contact, "What happened?"
"Well she asked me what i had for breakfast." I leaned back onto my chair as he did the same.
"And?", he asked, grinning.
"I answered her."
He stood up, pulled me up from my chair and put my arms around his neck as he embraced me on my waist, the moonlight cascading from the balcony where he set up our candlelit dinner, Christopher Cross' voice sang Arthur's theme in the background from Midnight's mighty stereo. "What did you say?"
"Midnight."
"Midnight?", he said, smiling.
"Yes. I told her I had you for breakfast."
The music stopped and we stood there, holding each other. And then i whispered, "I love you too." I heard him sigh and he held me tighter, "You drive me crazy", he huskily said in a whisper.
"I know.", i wittingly said and he laughed.
"Midnight?"
"Hmmn?"
"I wouldn't mind having you for dinner too. Heck, I wouldn't mind having you for all the remaining breakfasts and dinners of my life."
"I would love that.", he said, tears swelled from his beautiful brown eyes as he stared into mine.
As I began to unbutton his shirt, he raised my face and kissed me with all the love he had, and i kissed him back with all that I am.
The moonlight continued to weave its magic upon the world and upon us. Somehow, christopher cross was right, the best that we can do, is fall in love.
It was around the 12th of august, two winters ago when i met him. His eyes were brown and his hair was really dark and carelessly tousled. His nose is actually femininely aristocratic, his lips are the best i have ever seen. He stands at six feet flat and is the youngest child and only son of an international business tycoon, graduated at the top of his class in Harvard and dated a hundred beautiful-sometimes-dumb women. And they all loved him and his money and his image, but he never loved anyone the way he loves me.
He woke up 15 minutes later and found me dressed up and eating breakfast on the living room's floor. I noticed he was wearing his pants and the shirt i gave him for his birthday, "It's warm." he said from across the hall of our humble but massive condo unit. When i didn't say anything, he sat next to me and continued to talk, "Your silence is mesmerizing, remember when you threw a knife at me the first time we made love?", and then he laughed hiswonderful laugh.
"You took advantage of an innocent virgin, what did you expect me to do, beg you to tear up my insides again?", I snapped at him jokingly as I lay my head on his lap.
I watched him laugh for the next full minute, and when he recovered, he spoke, "But i made it up to you, and i still am, right?"
"Well, yeah, sort of." I replied half-heartedly, trying to piss him off.
Before I knew it he was pinning me down on the floor,"Ugh! What is it this time?", i asked him, smiling.
Grinning sheepishly, he said, "Ready for round two?"
...
"Be home for dinner, i'm cooking your favorite pasta tonight.", he said an hour later after we showered and put on clean clothes with a resistance i never knew a man could have.
"I will, don't you have work today?", i asked him, wondering aloud.
"Nah, i finished everything up yesterday, it's my day off today."
"hmmmn. I'll call you from the office, ok?", i said, kissed him goodbye and walked away. In the car I opened my cell to find that he sent me a message. It said:
'Take care, I love you.'
...
"You are surprisingly impossibly effecient today, what did you have for breakfast?", Jenine asked from her cubicle. She has been an officemate and a friend to me. We got into the advertising company at the same time. She has been wearing glasses since i can remember, it looks good on her. She says it makes her look smarter, which i think is a bit odd.
I drank from my cup of coffee and looked at her, "You really wanna know?"
"Of course."
"Ok."
"So what did you have for breakfast?", she childishly asked.
What I said next probably shook her world so much that she fell off her swivel chair and stood up to stare at me with obvious amazement and awe. She said only one word, "Amazing."
...
At dinner, i sat across Midnight who was chattering endlessly about his little misadventures in the grocery. Halfway through, he suddenly stopped and stared deeply into my eyes, "You've been smiling since you arrived. Did something marvelously out of this world happen?", he asked.
I leaned over closer and tapped my nails on the table, "I siad something really wonderful it made Jenine fall off her chair."
He leaned to me and maintained an eye contact, "What happened?"
"Well she asked me what i had for breakfast." I leaned back onto my chair as he did the same.
"And?", he asked, grinning.
"I answered her."
He stood up, pulled me up from my chair and put my arms around his neck as he embraced me on my waist, the moonlight cascading from the balcony where he set up our candlelit dinner, Christopher Cross' voice sang Arthur's theme in the background from Midnight's mighty stereo. "What did you say?"
"Midnight."
"Midnight?", he said, smiling.
"Yes. I told her I had you for breakfast."
The music stopped and we stood there, holding each other. And then i whispered, "I love you too." I heard him sigh and he held me tighter, "You drive me crazy", he huskily said in a whisper.
"I know.", i wittingly said and he laughed.
"Midnight?"
"Hmmn?"
"I wouldn't mind having you for dinner too. Heck, I wouldn't mind having you for all the remaining breakfasts and dinners of my life."
"I would love that.", he said, tears swelled from his beautiful brown eyes as he stared into mine.
As I began to unbutton his shirt, he raised my face and kissed me with all the love he had, and i kissed him back with all that I am.
The moonlight continued to weave its magic upon the world and upon us. Somehow, christopher cross was right, the best that we can do, is fall in love.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Epi One: "Yes dear, we're allowed to die"
I wasn't sure what my grandma meant when she said we were allowed to die. I remember how she sat by her favorite window, rocking her wooden chair, whistling the songs she said were played in her wedding. It was a cold winter's night and i was busy drilling holes into the walls to hang the lovely lanterns mom bought for Christmas. I can vividly picture her eyes that never lost their knowledge and humble acceptance of age. She was the greatest woman in our family, stong-willed and happy. Her faith and love never waned. In her funeral, we played her favorite songs and wore those white dresses she loved so much. I was young and naive and i had a lot of questions. And I have questioned death the more when she left us.
Years later, I find myself facing the full-length mirror i bought on sale, with nothing but my skin on. The temperature would kill me if i don't grab a jacket or something, i was wondering how people would talk about my would-be unusual death. Sometimes i think i don't deserve a funeral, all i'd hear would be those nasty talks about me anyway, i wasn't as great as my granny. I doubt it if people would have good things to say about me like they had in her funeral. I am just a pretty face with a beautiful mind and a heart of pounded flesh and blood. I'm not special.
"What are you doing?"
I turned to see the skepticism of Midnight's eyes. He stood a few feet away from me, raising an eyebrow, smiling a lopsided smile."You're weird, why do i stay with you anyway?". Then he walked to me, took off his jacket, put it over my shoulders and embraced me.
"What are you doing?", I said.
"Saving your life.", he replied.
"We're allowed to die, granny said so." He let go of me and pushed the few strands of hair that blocked my eyes, kissed me lightly stared into my eyes.
"You haven't been listening too well to your granny sweetie." he whispered and sat on the couch beside our bed and outstretched his arms, calling me. I sat beside him and he pulled me tight into his warmth. "What did i miss?", i asked, leaning closer to his chest. I smelled capuccino in him and my stomach grumbled. He chuckled, "You haven't eaten, i brought you breakfast."
"What did i miss?", i asked again.
Midnight kissed the top of my head, i closed my eyes and heard him say, "We are allowed to die, but only after we learn to live."
I opened my eyes, and faced him, still locked in his embrace, "How do you know that?"
"I just do."
"Not fair.", i complained. "Have you learned to live?".
"Yes."
"How?"
"Simple," he started, his face a few hairstrands away from me, his lips almost touching mine, "You taught me how. "
Years later, I find myself facing the full-length mirror i bought on sale, with nothing but my skin on. The temperature would kill me if i don't grab a jacket or something, i was wondering how people would talk about my would-be unusual death. Sometimes i think i don't deserve a funeral, all i'd hear would be those nasty talks about me anyway, i wasn't as great as my granny. I doubt it if people would have good things to say about me like they had in her funeral. I am just a pretty face with a beautiful mind and a heart of pounded flesh and blood. I'm not special.
"What are you doing?"
I turned to see the skepticism of Midnight's eyes. He stood a few feet away from me, raising an eyebrow, smiling a lopsided smile."You're weird, why do i stay with you anyway?". Then he walked to me, took off his jacket, put it over my shoulders and embraced me.
"What are you doing?", I said.
"Saving your life.", he replied.
"We're allowed to die, granny said so." He let go of me and pushed the few strands of hair that blocked my eyes, kissed me lightly stared into my eyes.
"You haven't been listening too well to your granny sweetie." he whispered and sat on the couch beside our bed and outstretched his arms, calling me. I sat beside him and he pulled me tight into his warmth. "What did i miss?", i asked, leaning closer to his chest. I smelled capuccino in him and my stomach grumbled. He chuckled, "You haven't eaten, i brought you breakfast."
"What did i miss?", i asked again.
Midnight kissed the top of my head, i closed my eyes and heard him say, "We are allowed to die, but only after we learn to live."
I opened my eyes, and faced him, still locked in his embrace, "How do you know that?"
"I just do."
"Not fair.", i complained. "Have you learned to live?".
"Yes."
"How?"
"Simple," he started, his face a few hairstrands away from me, his lips almost touching mine, "You taught me how. "
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